Abused. - His Porcelain Soldier
 
Ashamed.Violated.Belittled.Degraded.Worthless.
Hurt. Angry. Afraid. Weak. Depressed. Cold. Timid. Anxiety. Outcast. Embarrassed. Abandoned.  Afraid...afraid... afraid...

Dear God,
These are just some of the ways they made me feel. Dear God, here is my shame. I give it to you.
Here are my feelings of violation. I give it to you.
Here are my feelings of belittlement & being degraded. I give it to you.
Here are my feelings of worthlessness. I give them to you.
Here is my hurt. I give it to you.
Here is my anger. I give it to you.
Here is my fear. I give it to you.
Here is my depression. I give it to you.
Here are the walls that have made me cold. I give them to you.
Here are my timid and anxiety filled nerves. I give them to you.
Here are my feelings of being cast out. I give them to you.
Here are my feelings of embarrassment that my feelings of shame have brought on. I give them to you.
Here are my feelings of abandonment. I give them to you.
Here is my fear... my fear...my fear. I give it to you.

Dear God,
Please forgive them for what they've done to me. Dear God, never hold them accountable for their sins against me. Please wipe it off their record permenantly. I forgive them. I ask you to forgive them to with no conditions... wipe it all away.

Dear God,
I forgive myself for allowing myself to carry the shame that I didn't cause. I forgive myself for allowing myself to feel guilty for sins I didn't commit against me. I forgive myself if I ever hurt anyone because of the person I became. I forgive me. I forgive me. I forgive me in spite of me.  

Dear God,
If I ever held resentment for you for allowing bad things to happen to me, then I forgive you. Dear God you have always kept me. I understand that mankind does evil to the innocent because evil co-exists in this world with your goodness. I understand that you give man free will to choose right and wrong, and because of that, some have done evil to me. You allowed them to. I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you.
Amber
5/22/2010 06:24:43

I see raw emotions in this and I see the courage you have to open up and express this. Let the shame cease because I see a breaking of something in you that leads to growth beyond on your imagination.

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Tara
5/22/2010 07:00:05

You hit the nail on the head as to my feelings on that as well. I feel something breaking that I can't even fathom myself.

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heather
9/24/2010 04:12:08

this is where i felt lumps... in.... throat.

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